Why Can't We Accept Thanks Graciously?

I was listening to the end of an interview on a major public radio station the other morning, and the reporter finished with “Jane Doe, author of My Major New Novel. Jane, thank you for your time.” Jane replied, “Thank YOU.” And I thought, why is it that none of these people ever just say, “You’re welcome.”? I find myself avoiding it when thanked: “No problem,” or “I was going this way anyway,” or some other effacing comment. What is wrong with graciously accepting a little gratitude?

We have been taught from an early age to say “Thank you” whenever something, tangible or intangible, is offered or given to us. Our mothers exhort us to write thank-you notes any time we’re hosted, gifted, or honored by someone else. It’s become an industry, thank-you notes and gifts, and a concept most people are comfortable with. When we were little, we were told also to say “You’re welcome” every time we’re thanked, but for those old enough not to be reminded by their mothers "Say 'you're welcome'," this has fallen out of custom.

At what point in life does that simple sentence start making us uncomfortable? Are we nervous about appearing to have tried too hard? Will the recipient think we’re dorks because we care too much? Doubtful. By belittling the offering or the effort made in giving it, we reduce its value to the receiver. Think of it: you spend the afternoon making a home-cooked meal for your family and an out-of-town visitor, and at the end of the meal, your guest says, “Thank you, that was delicious.” By saying “It was nothing, really,” are you putting the guest at ease by minimizing your efforts? No, you are implying that they are not worth the effort they perceive you to have put out. Or if you simply hold the door for someone, and they thank you, by saying “no problem” you are reducing the value of your gesture and also the worthiness of the recipient.

Let’s all start simply saying “You’re welcome,” with smiles on our faces, and see how peaceful it can be. The best gifts are those given without hope for repayment, but a heartfelt “Thanks!” can be a gift in itself. In this season of gratitude, we should honor each other not only with thankfulness but also with graceful acknowledgement of each other’s thanks.